Before I got diagnosed with ADHD, I never really thought I had a problem, even though my academics and social life suffered greatly. I was always told that I had potential or I was smart but I was unserious or too playful so I always assumed that was the problem.
After I got into university, I began to notice that I had some major challenges. Every time I tried to study or concentrate during lectures, I always found my mind wandering and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t. I still didn’t think I had a problem but I kept trying.
After my first result came in, I was devastated. I could not understand why I put in so much effort and got so little results. It was not just my academics that suffered, I was (still am) very hyper and I always tried to figure out why but I never really thought it was linked to a mental disorder. I also had a hard time prioritizing, planning, being consistent, sustaining friendships or just being myself around people.
The more I struggled with these challenges, the more I started asking myself, “what is wrong with me?” I did not have the answer and I did not know who to talk to about what I was going through because I was deeply ashamed and no matter how much I prayed or how hard I tried it never seemed to help. I did not quite understand how to explain it to myself to talk less about explaining it to other people. I thought I would sound stupid so I just kept it to myself.
By the time I got to my final year, it became very apparent that I had a major problem. I was struggling. I could not bring myself to meet deadlines for any of my projects no matter how many times the deadlines got extended. This made me extremely anxious and I tried asking for a little direction from people who were handling their projects well, but I did not know how to explain what I was going through so it was very difficult for me to get the help I needed to complete my project at the right time.
It was during this time that I found out about ADHD. I was in the library working on my project when I came across a book that looked very childlike and colorful and I was somehow drawn to it. The book was about ADD/ADHD and before then I had never heard about ADHD. I don’t know why, but I started going through it and I was in deep shock as I read through every page. The book perfectly described every single challenge I was going through and it was like a breath of fresh air.
Right there and there I knew I had ADHD. I felt seen. I was going through a series of emotions. From happy; knowing I was not alone with my challenges to mad because, “why isn’t this talked about more?”, “why don’t people like me get the help we need earlier?” These were some of the thoughts that ran through my head that day. I was relieved though, I finally had the answer and for the first time in a very long time, I got very optimistic about my future.
I finally got diagnosed with ADHD in 2019 and it has been a crazy journey. I found some helpful videos online, I started therapy and I also found a large community of ADHDers online. This has made my journey a little bearable but it is still very challenging. I am not medicated and had to stop therapy towards the end of last year.
I am still struggling but I am learning every day, I am also very hopeful. I still get comments like “There’s nothing wrong with you” or “Just pray about it”. I don’t get mad, I just really want to educate people about it. It’s extremely hard initiating these conversations, especially online because I always think I’m not smart enough to do it. But I am a work in progress and I will keep learning and figuring out ways to help myself and the people who are just like me.
If you’d like to connect with Tirnom,
she can be found as @call_me_Tinom on Twitter.
ADHD Voices is a series dedicated to sharing the stories of folks like you and me who have ADHD. Posts in the series are written by guest authors, sharing windows into their lives and struggles, written by them, for you and me. If you’d like to share your story, please contact me on social media or through my email, ADHDsurprise @ gmail.com
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