This is just a quick post to let you all know about my new YouTube channel. I had considered this venture for quite some time and decided that the time was right to do the launch.
The focus of the channel will be to extend the original mission of this blog, namely by raising awareness of ADHD by sharing accurate information and stories from folks who have it. In addition I hope to continue to share valuable tools and resources through video just as I have on this blog.
But YouTube also allows for some new ways of interacting that I am also excited to bring to the community. Beyond videos of me, I want to share videos of you. Just as with the printed ADHDvoices series, I want to make this a platform where real folks with ADHD can share their stories.
And finally I want to bring together ADHDers in pre-recorded and live chats to talk about ADHD issues and answer ADHD-related questions generated by you, the community. Everything from our strategies and tips to get through every day life to how we might approach more complex issues.
The embedded video below is the trailer for my new channel. I hope you will check it out, subscribe, and share it with anyone who you think might benefit from joining the conversation.
Click here to subscribe to the ADHDsurprise YouTube Channel!
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Looking for more great ADHD content? Check out all of Jamie’s platforms:
It’s hard to articulate after so many years, but I remember noticing I had attention issues my first year of middle school. I had noticed something was off earlier, but I had never heard the term. I got good grades, so it was hard to make my family understand. I remember going home once I learned more about the disorder and trying to tell them, but they said, “your grades are great- you don’t have ADHD.”
I didn’t officially get diagnosed until I was fifteen, and my problems had gotten noticeably worse. I was self-medicating a lot. I had a lot of trouble with school, but I maintained good grades by shutting myself off and spending hours forcing myself to finish assignments and teach myself the material. I hardly slept during high school, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells in almost every situation. The lack of sleep took a huge toll on my mood; I was exhausted with racing thoughts constantly, and my temper got ridiculous. I felt like a ticking time bomb half the time, and the other half, I just felt like I was alone.
After getting diagnosed and prescribed medicine, it got a lot easier to quiet my thoughts in general. I used to (and sometimes still do) get scolded constantly for all sorts of things that I didn’t realize were symptoms; things like fidgeting or moving all the time, talking rapidly, being loud, and blurting out answers in class.
This all has made me a very reserved adult. I get self-conscious and scared to speak in groups, and I bite my tongue a lot. When I am feeling more energetic, I tend to talk a lot, and I have trouble realizing how loud I can get when I’m excited. A lot of people have made me feel like it’s a negative trait and even though that is now the idea that it’s bad is ingrained in my brain, that’s not something I agree with.
I think it’s kind of cool to still have the ability to get excited like a child. I’ve noticed a lot of people I know don’t seem to have that ability, but I still get anxious about those qualities showing themselves to people. I feel like others are going to react negatively and make me feel like I should be ashamed about how I am.
I’ve found ways to cope and try to keep my symptoms in check, but it often feels like I have to give up a lot of myself to appease others. I find that I tend to avoid situations where I have to be in crowds or around strangers because a lot of the time, when I try to be social or make friends, they seem overwhelmed with me or appear to do things that make me feel like I’m being scolded again or being “too much.”
I get uncomfortable when I get into conversations at work because I’m in customer service, and I can be kind of all over the place with conversation. I overthink constantly, and I often feel like when I try to vocalize my thoughts to friends, they don’t understand me or what I’m saying. I feel like people who know me tend to tune me out when I talk because they’re used to me talking so much, and it seems so random to them that they don’t seem to care or listen to what I have to say most of the time.
I feel like nobody understands me a lot of the time–when I talk, what I mean, or just in general. It makes opening up and connecting to others very difficult because it makes me sad when I feel that way, so a lot of the time, I don’t even try. At this point in my life, it takes me ages to actually open up and make friends, and I think people get tired of trying well before I get there. It’s difficult for me to process things and articulate what I mean in a way that others understand, so it’s easy for me to feel lonely when the few people I am close to are busy or aren’t around.
I think my life has gotten easier by knowing what to look for in my behavior and how my brain works, but it’s far from easy. It seems a lot of people don’t have much knowledge of ADHD, so they don’t know how to be present or helpful. Having the knowledge has helped me because I can find support from other people who also have ADHD, and I can research general symptoms and supports myself. It’s helpful because I have a place to start. I wish people were more educated and understanding of neurodiversity, so people like me could feel more comfortable and more accepted in general.
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If you’d like to connect with Deighton, she can be found as @DeightonHeath on Twitter
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ADHD Voices is a series dedicated to sharing the stories of folks like you and me who have ADHD. Posts in the series are written by guest authors, sharing windows into their lives and struggles, written by them, for you and me. If you’d like to share your story, please contact me on social media or through my email, ADHDsurprise @ gmail.com
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Looking for more great ADHD content? Check out all of Jamie’s platforms:
The descriptors neurodiverse and neurotypical were two of the first words I encountered when I connected with the ADHD community on Twitter. If you’re not familiar with them, a couple of down-and-dirty definitions you can work from are these:
Neurotypical: describes those who have a brain that works in a typical manner.
Neurodiverse: describes those who have a brain that works differently.
Like I said, down-and-dirty. The biggest, tallest part of the bell curve is full of folks with typically-developed and typically-functioning brains. Most expectations you encounter in life, whether they be at home, school, work, recreation, etc., most of the expectations are set up with the neurotypical average in mind.
Learning those terms helped me tremendously, as they put in perspective what I was facing. My whole life I had operated under an incorrect assumption—that I was neurotypical. Given that assumption, when I failed to meet expectations I simply blamed myself. Learning that I was neurodivergent—that my brain actually works differently than others’ do—was life-changing.
When the idea of having ADHD was first brought up to me, my mind rushed back in time and immediately began identifying all of the signs I had missed along the way, and ADHD had run rampant through all parts of my life, for as long as I can remember. At that point my biggest questions were how anyone looking at me couldn’t have known and how could I have not known about my ADHD? These questions ultimately led me to the the underlying question for this post.
Covering ADHD symptoms
I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 37 years old. At that time I found clear evidence of ADHD in my life going back as far as I can remember. So what gives? I’ve already addressed why I didn’t get diagnosed as a child, so today my focus is on my adult behaviors. I had developed many strategies, coping skills, and masking behaviors which effectively covered many of my ADHD symptoms and thus made it possible for me to hide in plain sight in the neurotypical world.
Pina created a comic that really resonated with me on this subject. Seen below you’ll see how anxiety can effectively lead one to mask many aspects of ADHD. Many of her shown examples are true for me as well. The thing with masks is they’re not real. They give the appearance of wellness, but they are simply covering the internal struggle.
Why I didn’t get diagnosed until 28 and was told I’m “too quiet” to have ADHD✌️ (Alternative title: How instead of getting ADHD treatment I developed Anxiety to cope)#adhd#adhs#tdah#comic#comicspic.twitter.com/JrO2W5MD2f
First, I have a lot of strengths that the neurotypical world loves.
Being creative
Starting projects I’m excited about
Problem-solving
Performance
Talking the talk
Pulling off great work under pressure
Helping others
Excellent written and oral communication skills
These help me to navigate most tough situations. When my feet are put to the fire and I’m up against a deadline (which I probably procrastinated) or a major consequence, I am doing my very best work. I am excellent at job interviews because it’s a performance. To me an audience acts like a deadline and flips that switch of unimportant/disengaged and all of a sudden I care immensely and can hyperfocus in that moment. I rock interviews.
But I also have a lot of weaknesses and/or ADHD symptoms that I have learned to cover, mask, or otherwise support or accommodate so that they are not obvious to the casual observer. Here are some of the things I have done to mask ADHD symptoms. Mind you, I was doing all of these things before I knew I had ADHD. They developed naturally as I tried to make up for or hide my shortcomings (as measured by neurotypical standards).
Things I was doing that masked or hid symptoms:
I was drinking 5+ cans of Diet Coke per day. Only after I learned about how stimulants interact with the ADHD brain did I realize this was actually a rudimentary form of self-medication.
I have carried the same fidget in my pocket for over 14 years. I have always used it when meetings get too long.
I rely heavily on Google Calendar to know where I’m supposed to be all the time.
I have taken mental health days regularly throughout my career, particularly when facing high anxiety or intense stress
I have used home as an outlet for negative emotions and behaviors that I simply cannot show at work without major consequences.
I am hyper aware of things like my phone and keys because I am prone to losing them. It’s almost an obsession to not let them out of my site or their places.
I take notes during meetings to help me listen to what’s being said.
When all else has failed, have flat-out lied to cover up symptoms.
So what does this mean for me now?
I know now that my brain works differently from neurotypical brains. So I can let go of the notion that I need to meet every single standard in the neurotypical world. Sure, there will always be some I can’t get away from or can’t make accommodations for. But I’m better about picking my battles now. I forgive myself more easily. I don’t simply get down on myself for being lazy or incompetent. I get to set my own bar.
I reach out to other ADHDers to gauge how they might respond to situations I’m in. I helped create an online ADHD support group largely for that purpose—so that when I’m not sure if the thing I’m facing is an “ADHD thing” I can quickly find out. Learning more about ADHD and connecting with others who have it has continued to be a critical part of my personal development. I also seek treatment for my ADHD through medication and therapy. By combining reasonable expectations with effective plans and meaningful supports, I find it easier than ever to navigate the neurotypical world.
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Looking for more great ADHD content? Check out all of Jamie’s platforms:
ADHD surprise 